It’s the Journey not the Destination

This is my phrase of the moment, something I borrowed from someone else after reading an article on the BBC site.  I initially thought it would be a good saying for my path of learning that I’m hoping to take but I suppose it would apply to everything in life including life itself. The journey of life until you died, which makes me think of all those ‘no fear’ types in life who take all sorts of risks just in case it’s your last day. Now I’ve got too much fear in my blood to take lots of risks but I totally get the whole it’s about the journey. My journey with running is improving with the destination hopefully being able to run 5K one day. I have many destinations and I’m trying to enjoy all the journeys even though I know some will be tough.

The new big journey now is about getting a degree, for some reason it seems very important to me to get one – maybe it will prove in my mind that I’m not as stupid as I think I am.  I went to the Birkbeck Open Evening last week at some 1970s concrete hotel (I do feel sorry for all those tourists staying there) and got some information on all the part-time courses. I have said before I couldn’t decide between Computer Science and History for a degree. Even though I did the OU course last year I still feel I would like to start this journey with a Certificate course first before moving on to the degree. I have finally managed to make up my mind over the degree choice – History it is.  I felt my maths and scientific mind wasn’t up to much to feel that a degree in IT/Computer Science would be right for me and I have for years and years said I would like to get a degree in History.  So the plan is to start with the Certificate in History, which combines about six short courses over two years and from there I will be ready to start the degree. It is also possible that if I do well on the Certificate I would be able to jump forward to the 2nd year on the degree. I also would like to take the Web Design Certificate as well – 4 or 6 short courses that would take two years as well. So my journey will begin with one history course hopefully starting in the autumn and the web design course starting in the new year. It’s going to be a long time to get to my destination but the journey will be interesting, fun and a lot of hard work.

Up and down

Today has been one of those days were I have been up and down, left and right, and then all over the place. Woke up this morning feeling tired after another warm night and not really feeling the urge to travel on the train in to London.  Still, I got in to my routine and got ready for work. As the weather has been so warm and with temperatures reaching 31C at midday I decided to wear a skirt. Eek, the white legs were out and about all day. Actually the journey in to work wasn’t too bad and then I decided to spend the morning doing some office management chores especially as my colleague wasn’t in the office this morning so I could make lots of noise and mess. I managed to empty the last of the boxes, sort out the recycling, put a ton of old phones (from the old office) in to boxes, much neater than black big bags, cancel some old phone lines and sort out a few emails that I’ve been meaning to do for a few weeks now. It actually felt like I did some real work this morning as I wasn’t sitting in front of the laptop all the time. Making some phone calls was novel as well.

At lunchtime I went out and about in Covent Garden to purchase a present for my best friend’s birthday and then had a quick browse in Ted Baker, summer sales are so much better than the winter sales. Cooked smoked salmon with pasta and rocket for lunch and then I caught up with my American friend/colleague who was back from holiday – lots of talk about music from both of us! Then I spent the afternoon catching up on my usual website updates that I normally do in the morning and at 4.30pm I had my usual team meeting. For some reason my confident was starting to dwindle over this call, not really sure why but as the time got nearer the more I started to worry about it and oddly during the call when I really wanted to join in with the general conversation (and I had things to say), I just couldn’t do it. My heart started pounding and I could just feel myself clam up. Even when I did say something afterwards I felt like I had spoken too quickly and quietly.  Oh well. Luckily I had some quick turn around work to do so that took my mind off things and I left work late but feeling quite happy.  So, I got home late, dinner was almost ready and husband wasn’t pleased when I said I would like to go for a run – if looks could kill or moods for that matter! Decided not to go for a run but boy, it did put me in a foul mood. Now I’m writing this and slowly I’m feeling better in myself. As I said at the beginning today has been a real up and down day.

Hard Rock Calling

Yesterday I went to the Hard Rock Calling mini festival in the Hyde Park, London to see Neil Young, Fleet Foxes, Ben Harper, Seasick Steve and The Pretenders. I left home with my friend Sim at about 1pm and travelled up town – in the sweltering heat but being English I’m always prepared for all weathers so I had with me trainers, umbrella, wet coat, sunscreen, straw hat, snack food, water, tissues, scarf, cardigan all in my small rucksack. Well, the hat wasn’t inside the bag as that was clipped to the front of the rucksack. We got to the park at around 2.30pm and The Pretenders was on. We decided to sit on the small bit of shade that we could find for this as I wasn’t that bothered about seeing them up close. Afterwards we saw Seasick Steve, which was just wonderful. A brilliant guitarist, blues singer with a lot of charisma. Then Ben Harper came on and he was good as well. The weather had been great up till when Ben Harper had just finished and then the dark clouds rolled in followed by thunder and lightning, which of course brought the rain. Wet coats and umbrellas came out quick. Luckily it only lasted for about 30 minutes and being as it was so warm we all quickly dried off.

Sunny!

Tarp party during the rain

The Fleet Foxes were great and then Neil Young came on. The crowd went wild at this point. Now, honestly I have seemed to have missed most of Neil Young’s music during my lifetime but he sure can play the guitar. He played at Glastonbury the night before so I was able to catch some of his music on the TV – handy as I could sing along to a few.  For the encore he sang The Beatles, Day In The Life, which is my favourite Beatles song ever so I was really happy about this and I could sing along.  Then low and behold Sir Paul McCartney run on the stage and sang with Neil Young! The surprise on my friend’s face was classic as was the big cheer from the crowd. A magical moment. In all it was a great day – toilets nice and clean(!), food not too bad except for the price of it and the beer was good. Now for some downloading of Seasick Steve and Neil Young for my ever-growing music collection.

Seasick Steve

Ben Harper

Fleet Foxes

Neil Young

Happy Friday!

Friday started off with a bit of a bang, what felt like a bang on the head with the headache I had after a few mojitos last night. It was a slow start but I still got in to work earlier than I did yesterday, most odd! I suppose I should get on the bandwagon and mentioned the death of Michael Jackson but I wasn’t really a fan so I won’t. I must be one of those few people out there who never bought Thriller but I did get persuaded to go and see him live once back in the nineties but after watching the warm up act he cancelled so after that I sold my ticket for the rescheduled date and lost any respect I had for him there and then. Anyway, the day went quite slowly as I was in the office on my own and feeling a bit delicate didn’t help.  By four o’clock I was feeling a lot better which was lucky as I had a call with a colleague about helping out with some work.  Left the office at 5.30 pm and got on the stuffy hot tube – nice.  Still when I got home I went for a run, slower than on Wednesday but I’m blaming the heat.

The best thing about this weekend is Glastonbury and the brilliant coverage on the BBC – I won’t go on about again but I could just watch it all night, basically all weekend, except I’ve got my own festival to go to tomorrow. Hard Rock Calling at Hyde Park – looking forward to seeing the Fleet Foxes. I’m going to spend most of tomorrow morning trying to decide what to take but an umbrella will be on the list for sure, plus a sun hat and sun lotion.  A typical day out in Britain – be prepared for all weather conditions. Now, I’m sitting with the laptop watching the Friendly Fires, who are really good and I’m going to get the album on payday, drinking a cold beer or two and trying to decide if to brave Glastonbury next year, albeit in camper van. Dodgy toilets and no showers will do that to a girl who washes her hair everyday.  Happy Friday everyone!

What would you take?

Sometime last week I was reading something like a blog or a news article but I can’t remember where or who, that is one problem with reading online – the information flies in and out of your memory so quickly that it is sometimes impossible to remember where the source of that information came from.  Anyhow, this article was talking about what you would take with you if you only had the boot (or trunk, which means it must have been an American article) of your car to fit everything in. The comments from the general public were interesting with most people saying books, clothes, laptops, music etc, and this got me thinking about what I would take. Of course this would depend on the boot of your car – in a mini it would be tricky to take anything of real quantity but if it was a large BMW estate then the kitchen sink could come to.

So without much of a do, here is my list:

MacBookPro (and charger)
iPod touch and speakers
Windproof fleece
Trainers
Jeans
Lots of t-shirts
Contact lenses
Mascara
Moisturiser
Rosebud Salve
Sunglasses
Large fleece blanket
Large bath towel
Shampoo/Conditioner
Notebook and pens
Some books
Hat
Marmite
Dark Chocolate
Whiskey
Cocktail shaker
Bottle of beers
Tissues

Surprisingly most things are materialistic and I could easily buy again – interesting!

Random Thoughts and Running

Most of the time I write my blog on the way home on the train using my iPod touch but lately I haven’t, so I end up sitting on the sofa with my laptop at 9:30 at night trying to think of interesting things to write about. I have lots of ideas and thoughts while at work or while sitting on the train but after running and dinner I have real trouble with getting going on my writing. This is why I write so many Random Thoughts posts… because they are so random! I think tomorrow will be a Random Thought post as I will have to write that either in work (naughty) or on the way home after a night out at Birkbeck College followed by some drinks.

My running is coming along – this is where I hide in shame at the small amount of running that I actually do but I’m not in to lying so I won’t. I’m just running from my house to the next street and back past my house. At first I didn’t take note of how long I was running and I’ve gradually built up the length by running to the next lamp post or tree. This week I have started timing myself and my next goal is to run for 10 mins in total. I was running for 7 mins 30 seconds and then I increased my run so I was running for 8 mins 10 seconds. Great I thought as it is only 2 mins extra to get to my target. Yesterday, I did the same run in 7 mins 51 seconds and today it was 7 mins 48 seconds. I’m pleased that I’m getting faster but I can see my target getting further away. This can only be good and I have noticed a difference in how far I can run before my legs start to feel the pain of running. My motto at the moment is ‘nice and slow’ just like the tortoise from the Hare and the Tortoise story.

Summer of music

Festival season started with Download a few weeks ago but it gets really going this week with the start of Glastonbury.  Even though I’ve never been to Glastonbury and a day pass at V Festival is the nearest I have been to a festival I get really excited about Glastonbury. Not only does the BBC cover it wonderfully on the TV but it brings out all the new music that I’m desperate to hear and purchase. But it doesn’t stop there as I’ve got two ‘festival’ days to look forward to – Hard Rock Calling this weekend and Blur the following weekend. Both are at Hyde Park and I haven’t got a clue what to expect. All I can hope is that it doesn’t rain or get too hot. I will write about them more after the events.

This evening while clearing up the kitchen I was listening to my husband’s iPod and the Jungle Brothers, I’ll House You came on. Now, I’ve not heard this tune in a very long while. It must be over 10 years old and still sounds great now. I followed this tune up by listening to some ‘lite’ drum and bass. This made me what to download some of our old CDs from the 90s of good house music on to my iPod.  The amazing thing about this is that most of the old CDs from 1999-2004 are just as good now as they were back then and all the dance CDs that have been purchased lately (not by me I hasten to add) are rubbish. Just remixes of all those classic tunes from the 90s. No wonder I listen to different genres of music now – from indie to folk/country – dance music has just stopped being exciting.

Motivation at work or should I say lack of it

I’m kind of thinking that I shouldn’t really write this but I need to get it off my chest and hopefully my ramblings will help with finding a solution. There are many things that I would like to get off my chest but diplomacy is needed sometimes. Anyway, this is about my lack of motivation at work. I get my everyday jobs done and spend the whole day working but I don’t leave the office feeling like I’ve done a job well done or that I’ve made a difference to the company (or maybe that should be world!). I’ve turned into a robot, a lazy one at that as I’m getting up later and later for work. I now get to work around 9.30-45 when I used to get to work for 9am… truthfully I’ve never been a morning person so let’s say 9.10am. Still I will work late to make the time up and it is easier this way so I can be in touch with my American colleagues more.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a huge team to talk to face-to-face anymore or because I don’t really have one thing on my list of jobs that is purely mine to manage. Maybe I do but they are so small that I can’t actually think of them at this particularly moment in time. Most of my jobs are admin or website tasks and occasionally I get to do something exciting like design a graphic for the website. Though this isn’t as often as I would like. My other thought on this is why can’t I be like the simpletons (that’s a terrible word really but hey, I’m being controversial) out there who do their nine to five job, doing the same work everyday without it ever bothering them. They go to work then get home without complaining or feeling bored about work. This is a shame as I do like my work/company but I’m not sure how to change my lack of motivation. I’m glad that I’ve got an Open Evening at Birkbeck College on Thursday to help me decide on some learning, maybe that will help me carve out a career and that might kick start my motivation.

Scared of Life

I’m not scared of life in a way that I would turn in to an ‘Emo’ and talk about death a great deal as I do like life and with my fear of illness and death I would never think like that.  This health thing scares me a lot even when I’m feeling fine. Something in my brain makes me think that I should be worrying about something. Or if I have an odd moment like feel a bit dizzy then I go in to overdrive and that makes me feel even worst and it seems to set me up for the day. I will spend the rest of the day feeling down about everything.  Sometimes if I’m taken out the situation, say by meeting up with a friend or getting together with family then my mind is distracted and then I forget about my worries.

Obviously this means I need to find people to help me forget my worries. That’s a tad hard at work in the morning until my American colleagues are at work with only one other person in the office. My husband is good at distracting me at home but he doesn’t really understand how I feel at times (he thinks I’m a weirdo when I’m feeling really low) so maybe a pet is the way to go. Or therapy. I’m still thinking about that but it seems harder to think about now as I am feeling a lot better. Quite a few friends have said lately that they are glad that I seem happier then I did, which is nice to hear. My fear of life comes from that I’m scared to be happy and do what I would like. Scared that I will make the wrong decision or let other people down. So my battles continue but in a less sad state than before.

Ooh Danone

Feeling a bit bloated this evening so maybe I need some of that yoghurt with some Bifidus ActiRegularis (how much did someone get paid to make that up, I wonder!) and go around singing “Ooh Danone” or maybe I shouldn’t have eaten two cakes as well dinner earlier. Also, a beer on top doesn’t help! A peppermint tea will help. In my usual hypochondriac way of course I have a serious illness or it could be an inflection from the angry spot that is on my belly (I’m sure you didn’t want to know that) and if I’m ill that means I might have to go to the doctors, which is hell on earth for me. This is where I need to reprogramme my mind to think that there is nothing wrong with me and that I’ve just eaten too much crap today.  It’s hard especially as I’ve been feeling tired and not quite right this afternoon. I need to do some deep breathing and maybe drink some cocktails to calm my over imaginative mind.

On a much brighter note I had my first piano lesson today. It was fun but I was nervous for some reason at the same time.  I have talked about learning to play the piano for years but never done anything about it. I suppose it must be part of my mid-life crisis that caused me to sit up and go out and find a teacher. My teacher is only 18 but really friendly and great at teaching an old dog new tricks. Still, it was hard work for my slow brain to pick up this new hobby but I have my work book for homework on remembering the notes and I bought myself a mini keyboard as well so I can practice the five notes that I learned this morning. Not sure how this is going to go but I hope it will be fun.