Not-so-quiet mind

On Saturday morning, I went to a local centre for a three-hour yoga breathing workshop. For starters I’m not a morning person, especially on a Saturday but I made it, even with the nerves of going out somewhere new. The description of the workshop was in a local newsletter and I spoke to the teacher beforehand – simple poses and learning a few breathing exercises with a break inbetween. Amazingly, I felt fine as I got to the class but unfortunately the fineness didn’t last long. This had nothing to do with the teacher, the place or the other students, it had everything to do with me and my crazy mind. It’s not really crazy, just very anxious. Panicky feelings during the first half of the workshop didn’t help with learning on how to calm my brain. Then there was a break for tea and coffee and my mind just cracked when someone asked how I got on. Nothing like crying in front of a stranger. A friendly stranger with a hug on hand.

After a fruit tea (which I dislike but I don’t do coffee and only have one Earl Grey with my breakfast) and a chat with the teacher I was given the confidence to stay until the end. Ten minutes before this I was making plans to go home but running away from my fears doesn’t help my anxiety. I managed to make it through the next hour trying to remember the breathing exercises and simple poses. Honestly the exercises that stand out as the one that made me forgot my woes was saying Om in three long syllables while bending forward and the breathing exercise that needs the help of my fingers over a nostril at a time. It feels like that I need to be doing something with my body or saying something for my mind to switch off the worry. Of course, I understand that meditation takes practice to master but I was hoping I would find my inner yogi. It has been years since I’ve done a yoga class regularly and I know how good it can be for you… who wouldn’t want to be able to still bend their knees or touch their toes when in their 90s, but I’m still trying to decide if it is for me. Luckily, the teacher gave out some handouts so I’m going to try some breathing with simple stretching before I go to bed tonight.

Not quite middle of nowhere

See that small white house in the middle of the photo… well, that is the derelict house that is on the land that we are thinking of buying. Next to a farm which is now a bed & breakfast and a field with horses. Not quite in the middle of nowhere but near enough. Beautiful and full of nature. The sort of place I would like to live even with those negative voices from relatives about how isolated I will be. But I know I won’t be. We won’t be. The anxiety won’t be forever and we need to start living our own lives and not worry about others. PS – it is only 50 miles away which is nothing compared to some friends I know whose family live many more miles away from them.

As it is Friday I have the need to say… Happy Friday!