Like me on Facebook. Unfollow.

As I was editing the third blog post of this week on the blog that my boss writes I thought I should really write too. Of course, mine is about complete boring personal rubbish, where as his is more interesting being a business blog. Social media is like that though, the more I think about it. Blogs, Twitter and even Facebook are a mixture of personal ‘this is what I did’ to food/art/news/craft focus to businesses. And you just can’t do all of them in one space. Twitter is becoming more and more about business, not just the companies that send out impersonal tweets but those who have things to sell (normally on Etsy), like art, quilts, jewellery or those who have a company and tweet out how good their products/services are while baking a cake at the same time. Like me on Facebook. Business with a human touch.

Then there are the foodies. These are a class of their own. Admittedly, we all like to show off our baking or what we are cooking for dinner – I do sometimes. It is a way of saying, ‘hey, look at me… cooking! With real food’. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone tweet about putting some frozen fish in the oven or opening a jar of pasta sauce for their dinner tweet. Many of the foodie bloggers/tweeters are so far up their own arse that I’m surprised that they can see where they are going. Of course, some have great recipes but I still unfollow or don’t read their blogs. Since the rise of the celebrity chef everyone thinks they can cook because it is cool and like to tell anyone that is listening. All of this ranting is because at two in the morning while awake for the fourth night in a row I was thinking about how I might calm down on Twitter. It’s not the same as it used to be, it was much more fun and interactive (though I still managed to tweet loads today). In the middle of night I was thinking how I will reply back to quite a few people I follow but I hardly get replies. Let me clear this up, replies for my replies, yes, I get those but only a very small handful of people will reply to one of my own tweets. Those who do have ‘normal’ accounts with nothing to sell. Nice, fun, normal people. I wonder if any of those I have moaned about will read this – I doubt it as they most properly don’t read ‘normal’ blogs. And as no one answered my question on Twitter about if I should tweet about when I have blogged then I take that as a no. That marriage won’t be happen.

Pre-holiday stress

Holidays start tomorrow. Tomorrow after I’ve done my mornings work, then it will start. Though of course it doesn’t really start until I have finishing packing and we are on the road. With a five (and maybe a bit) hour journey to look forward to I suppose it doesn’t really start until we reached our destination and we are having a nice cold beer in the pub. With the holidays it means I won’t be blogging for a bit but that won’t matter as my blogging is quite erratic at the moment. Of course, when I’m back there will be photos and maybe even some tales of the hiking in the Lake District. It will nice to have a change of scenery and a break from work. Funny really as I only work part-time at home and I need a break. A break from the routine. If I was working full-time and travelling everyday then I would be even more desperate for a break.

In a typical pre-holiday stress I have been running around with a list of things to do and not getting half of them done. This is why I don’t do lists – it just adds to the stress. A list is great if it is to remind me to take something on holiday but doesn’t do me any good with things to do. Things to do like clean the bathroom, make rocky roads, iron everything before the day I go. As usual I’m packing the day before and the house looks like a mess. Should it matter that the house is a mess? It has got to a stage where I don’t give a toss anymore, I will just have to do the housework when I get back. On the plus side I did manage to bake a teabread to take away with us and I’ve written a blog post. Here’s to happy holidays!

Anxiety update

I had promised to write about my anxiety weeks ago but I have to be in the right mood to write about it. Not really sure what the right mood is as today has been a very mixed day on the anxiety front. One minute I feel alright and then the next I have a wobble. Anyhow, lets starts at where I left off. I’ve been having a series of appointments with a holistic therapist (who is a lovely person and I just know that I will stay in touch with her as friend for the years to come) and found the best book to help with my anxiety. I’ve written about this book before but it has become my bible with dealing with my anxiety & panic attacks. After reading it fully, I now go to it when I feel my anxiety raising and it just confirms what I’m feeling – the feelings I feel are just sensitised nerves and adrenalin racing through my poor nerves. Other points that have helped are that it will takes time to recovery from anxiety and taking it slow is OK, there will be setbacks and it is alright to be anxious sometime. Gradually there will be less anxious days and more good days that eventually the anxiety will just go away.

That’s the background on recovery and now for what I have been doing, as I have to go out and do stuff for recovery to happen. For my sins I went to Lakeside Shopping Centre last week and managed to spend quite a bit of money, I’ve met friends for afternoon tea and my mum for lunch. I’ve been food shopping and even managed to walk there for a few bits one day – and tonight – unheard of a few months ago, take the dog for a walk and feel fine while out with her, long 3 hour walks with husband & the dog at the weekend, many hours volunteering at Thames Chase Forest Centre, a bee keeping course, family get-togethers. I still get apprehensive before I go out and lately I’ve been having anxious thoughts about driving, which is just from a bad experience last month while driving back from Southend (driving too fast and the adrenalin flowing through me set off my anxious nerves). Stress does the same, if I get stressed about work or packing for a holiday (like the past few days) then the anxiety comes back. So, next I’m going to start having aromatherapy facials to learn to relax and I must remember to take it slow and of course, breathe.

Pear

I maybe repeating myself here but I have the need to talk about my weight and my inherited pear-shaped body. I wish I took more after my dad’s side of the family. Anyhow, I can’t change my DNA so I have to make do. For as long as I can remember I was a size 8/10 and always had a complex about my thighs and bum but weight was never an issue. Whenever I got weighed at the doctors I was always underweight. Then I got older and gradually I became a normal weight for my height (according to the doctors). All was well until my anxiety hit. Increasingly, I stopped going out, stopped doing things outside the house, stopped being active and then I started to comfort eat. More like I became obsessed with eating food to stop the fear of fainting, which is all part of the anxiety (of course, I only know that now). The end result is that I’ve got a much larger arse and many lovely clothes that I can’t get in to anymore.

The anxiety made me not think about the weight, it made me not think about anything else except the anxiety. Now that I’m on the road to recovery I’m trying to do something about my weight, which is damn hard especially as I still have bad days. Though at least now I can take the dog for a walk over the park everyday without feeling anxious and I’m increasing the length I’m walking. I’ve been keeping an eye on what I eat but I’m not a fan of diets and much more prefer healthy eating. To coin the phrase that I’ve heard in the past “Eat less, move more”. On the good days I do just that but on the bad days I eat more and move less (especially on hot humid days like today). I’ve learnt that losing the weight takes time (just like recovering from anxiety) so I just need to learn to love my pear-shaped body and hope I can get back in to my size 10 or size 12 TopShop jeans one day.