White Coat Syndrome

I will first apologise for this post as it is about my issues with worrying about my health as it may appear that I’m a complete nutcase (is it politically correct to say nutcase?). Thus, this could lose me all my readers for this self-indulgent letting it all out post. Anyway, had a doctors appointment today since I’ve been feeling quite unwell since last Tuesday. My doctor has decided that my ears might be blocked so I need to inhale lots of Vicks vapor rub (other brands are available) but also decided to check my blood pressure which of course was high. Second time he took my BP it was lower but he decided that I now have to have blood tests, chest x-rays, 24-hour BP test and various other heart tests. Oh joy! Anyway, at least it will put my mind at rest in the long run. But half my problem is my fear of having a nasty disease and going to the doctors. This does not help matters with my blood pressure. So basically I think I have worried myself ill over the past week. I felt fine as soon as got back home and the rest of the day at work. See, I’m mad! But I suppose this is who I am and there is most probably worst things that I could be like. As part of my own way to calm myself down I used my iPod as a sounding board while waiting for the doctor. I think it helped to calm me down but there is a lot of odd thoughts that I wrote down. Sorry again for this but below is my random worrying thoughts.

I’m broken and need fixing. Don’t want this to happen again in January while away. Think outside the box. Get my ears sorted. So what if I have to have tests I’ve had them before. If it makes me feel better then that is ok. Doctors are only human. They are here to help. I don’t want to live my life always ill when it could be something very simple. Worrying doesn’t help. But this is who I am. I broken and need fixing. Think of San Francisco. Doctors will send me for tests, so what. It will make me feel better. If something is wrong then they will fix it. Maybe I like all the attention that I create. Like people to feel sorry for me. Other people are nervous as well as me. Doesn’t help that they keep you waiting. Would this happen privately?? At least my elbow is better now. Oops forgot to let Dan know about this appointment, oh well. Calm down. Glad I puy…”

Then I got called in. At least I didn’t have to worry about letting my colleague Dan know about me being late in the office as he was off sick. I’m just tired now after not really sleeping properly but otherwise my mind is a lot better. Normal, maybe not though.


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