What’s it all about?

Life I mean. As I get older I seem to think this more and more.  Not the whole why are we on earth (creation vs. evolution) but more of the is this it? I’m not trying to be depressing about it but I’m just scared that I will get to 60 and nothing has changed with my life.  Sure, I will have more wrinkles, grey hairs and most probably bad knees but will have I done something that is an achievement.  Not necessarily like climbing Everest for charity but something I’m proud of and can say to my nephews and nieces (or their kids), I have done that. Not in a boasting way but to give them inspiration that anything is possible. Oddly, I’m finding there is lots I want to do and learn but it feels like I should have done most of it in my twenties. There are tons of books I would like to read (and not just on the 100 Big Read), things I would like to learn, places I would like to travel, have a real career, become mentally and physically healthier and generally be happy with everything.

I know I can’t do this all at once so I have to set some priorities. I always remember an consultant at work telling me years ago about going on a course and having to write his own obituary.  Maybe not a nice thing to do but it does make one thing – what have I done with my life? I really should write what do I want to do with my life. But I’m scared of life, that’s why I haven’t done any of the things that I said I would do. That’s why I still live in the same area that I have always done. Stayed in the same job for years. Been in the same relationship for years. Not saying there isn’t thing wrong with this but there have been dreams of moving to the Lake District, moving aboard, working aboard and we/I have never done them. Are they pipe dreams? Is it too late to do any of these? One of my best friends says I am my hardest critic, which I am so even though I did an OU course last year, took ice-skating back up and starting running, and still I think that’s not enough. I would really like to do a degree, which I would have to do part-time while working – which will be tough especially after the lack of support I got from my husband while I was doing my OU course.  Even my trip to America is looking doubtful now… which only means I need to do a bungee jump somewhere – yikes. Or is that another pipe dream and this time next year I will be saying the same thing and nothing has changed.  I’m sure I will come back to this subject again and again over the next few months as I decide what I need to do. Happy Friday y’all.

4 Responses to “What’s it all about?”

  1. 1 Kate W March 21, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    I don’t think it’s a question of there being a right time to do things. At each point in life we have to make choices about what we’re doing, and choosing to do one thing means by extension choosing not to do another. There’s only 24 hours in the day after all. But you’re the only one who can prioritise those things – don’t let anyone else do it for you. And don’t think that just because you haven’t done something yet, like a degree, that it’s automatically too late. You can do anything you want, provided you put your mind to it – that I know for sure!

    • 2 Michelle Best March 21, 2009 at 5:37 pm

      Thank you for your wise words. Yes, I need to sort out my priorities and then get my mind engaged in the them. Focus is what I need – I might make this my mantra.

  2. 3 Jo March 21, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Kate’s right. Seems to me that working out what “happiness” means to you – and then the things/people etc that make you happy would be a great way to help you prioritise (making sure you’re not diverted by the things that make other people happy and thinking that they ought to make you happy too!) Then being able to focus on the things that make you happy (big or small) whenever possible – and also recognising it when you’ve done them – will be very satisfying, I’m sure. There doesn’t need to be time limits either – just because you haven’t moved to the Lake District yet, for example, doesn’t mean that you can’t or won’t – it’s just the timeline that has changed. Allow yourself flexibility – and don’t be too hard on yourself – that should be in your mantra too!

  3. 4 Ghanaba June 19, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    Mj great rambling. I admire that. you post have a lot of I in it. My question is which I do you refer to when you say I? sometimes analyzing our thoughts lead us to the answers we know but are afraid to believe. Life is not that hard to be too serious about it. I admire that you want to be remembered. It is good that you are asking the right question, for what?

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