Worry – a gold star for me

As most people know or have gathered by reading my past entries, I like to worry. If worry was a national sport I would come first in every race.  I’ve always been a worrier, I think it is in my nature but since last year it seems to be getting worse. My health is my number one worry, then I worry about work and in general everything about life.  I also like to worry that I’m worrying too much which means I turn in to a real miserable worrier. Sometimes I can worry about something for a couple of hours and then I’m alright but this time I have turned it in to a habit.  Worrying is a bit self-indulgent but not in a nice way.  All this weekend I have been trying to think about how I can stop the worrying and get back to normal life. I think the main problem is that if I feel ‘normal’ then some small alarm goes off in my brain which makes me think “shouldn’t I be worrying about something”. Thus the worry continues.

This weekend, I have been resting to try and shift this sore throat/cold thing I’ve had – which seems to have work a bit as the sore throat has gone but I’m still worrying about not feeling right.  Sometimes feel dizzy and weak so I feel I have to sit down for a while, then I’m OK.  I have a stiff achy neck which I think is what is causing my dizziness or it could be that I’m still congested and my ears are blocked and that could cause the dizziness. What I am really thinking is that I have a brain tumour and this will mean death plus lots of doctors appointments. I know it sounds silly, even as I write it I know if sounds silly but if only I could retrain my brain to think that too. So, as I write this I’m trying to remember to breathe deeply 5 times and to focus on something wonderful (like a bird singing) when I start to feel the worry build. I feel this is going to be a slow process but it’s a start.

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