Missing out

In that part of my brain that goes in to overdrive and doesn’t stop thinking or analysing life, which is stuck on the ‘on’ position at the moment, I’m now feeling like I’ve missed out on things that I could have done with my life. There are many things that I wish I could have done, would like to do and many of them I can still do (well, maybe not all of them, my husband might have something to say about those) but I still feel my confidence stops me from doing anything about it.  I’m sure I have written about this before but it still pains me that I have let life just slide me by. Then again I know I have done a lot of things with my life that many others haven’t and I should be grateful for that. Some people have a lot less than me and are far happy about life than me.

I feel my lack of confidence stops me in a lot of things even when it comes to talking about myself. If someone asks me “what you been up to lately?”, I can never think of anything exciting to say even if I’ve been to a concert recently. It’s not because I have forgotten but I think no one would be interested in what I have been up to.  One of my many reason for writing this blog is to let people know what I have been up to but then I still wonder if I am writing boring crap that no-one wants to hear about.  One of the other reasons is to express how I’m feeling especially when I’m feeling low. One of my friends said that even though this is a good thing but I’m not getting anyone to help with these feelings. Talking about my issues/feelings is not a strong point of mine. I’m scared to voice these to a real person.  I suppose the fear is that in saying what I feel means they are real and then I would have to do something about them instead of keeping them in my mind safe.  One thing I have decided on though is to see a hypnotherapist about my phobia of doctors – I can’t spend the rest of my life scared of blood pressure machines.

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