The Fear

Today, while working at home – I was too scared to go to work because of the mini panic attack I had last week – I discovered a quote I had written on a page in one of the many notebooks “replace fear of the unknown with curiosity”. I don’t know where this came from or who said it first but I feel I need to have this quote in big printed letter on my desk at home and at work. I have written about my fear of most things including life quite a few times but I’m trying to write this piece in a more positive frame of mind. So, how can I replace my fear with curiosity?

I don’t really know at this very precise moment in time but once I do figure it out I will write about. For now, I’m taking everyday one at a time and being thankful for the good things that happen each day. I’m trying not to dwell on the bad stuff. I suppose it will be a small experiment in trying to change my mindset. Earlier I had a small fish bone stuck in my throat and normally I would worry about this – the fear of it happening again, the fear of what it felt like and fear of a bone sitting in my stomach doing God knows what. All silly thoughts, I know and I need to stop those thoughts. So, here are my thankful list of things for today: working at home; no queue at the Abbey at lunchtime; baked beans on toast for lunch; cooking potato rosti with home grown spuds; getting lots of work done today; the holiday cover work that I was doing has now finished; booking tickets to see The Monsters of Folk at the Troxy in November; rescuing laundry from the washing line (twice) that it felt like I had done some exercise. Now, tomorrow I’m hoping it will be a good day and I will be fine on the train facing my fears.

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