Frustration seems to be part of my daily life these days. I’m mostly frustrated with myself. Frustrated that I’m not how I was a few years ago. Okay, I know everyone has days when they don’t want to do anything but it feels like I’m like this all the time. I get so frustrated with myself because I don’t enjoy walking anymore. Fear has taken over to stop that. I used to be one of those people who would walk everywhere rather than driving. Driving was always the last option. The past two weeks I have found it very difficult taking the dog for her walk over the countryside. Heavy legs, fearful of feeling ill or fainting and in general just not enjoying it. Even with the delights of nature can’t seem to stop my mind from feeling fearful. Seeing cheeky Robins or snowdrops pushing up can’t lift the heavy cloud of fear.

So, as grave as this seems I have finally taken the first step in getting something done about it. I have given up waiting for the NHS as it has been over a year and when I rang them last week, it seemed that it could be many months before anything happened. Then I remembered there was a place nearby that had a more holistic approach to health and also had counsellors based there. On Wednesday I went with two good friends (as moral support) to get a feel for the place. I’m so glad that I went and that I had friends with me. I cried. Quite a lot. This is a good thing. I was very lucky that when we went we met the owner, who was very caring and though not necessarily a counsellor, she had such a way that it was easy to talk to her and considering this wasn’t even a real appointment it was kind that of her that we could sit down and talk for 15 minutes. Next Friday afternoon I have a ‘real’ appointment to see her for some healing and a chat. I’m not really sure what the healing involves but anything that can help me is a step in the right direction. I’ve just got to be brave before the appointment now.


1 Response to “Frustration”

  1. 1 travelingmad February 13, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Sounds like you’re brave enough already to get your process started.

    Good luck!

    (I like your photos of the beach and water, btw.)

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